yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
