dude i'm inner monologue high
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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