Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
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Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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