I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
