he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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