Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
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I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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