Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize