It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I party with great urgency now.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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