I will die if light touches me.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though