I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success