I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs