I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him