$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
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What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.