Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place