alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
