2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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