Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
