I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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