Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
