dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
