Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
We need a shit load of segways right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
