if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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