I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.