Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.

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  (720): I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare. http://tfl.nu/5d0o
  Replies (3) Good night (1188) Bad night (743)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.

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  (312): sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought. http://tfl.nu/msp2
  Replies (20) Good night (838) Bad night (2254)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.

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  (859): While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight. http://tfl.nu/5wwv
  Replies (46) Good night (7085) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?

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  (901): How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games? http://tfl.nu/94zu
  Replies (14) Good night (4313) Bad night (848)
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  (415): View more from California

  There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.

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  (415): There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail. http://tfl.nu/6ic6
  Replies (43) Good night (6403) Bad night (1677)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.

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  (202): Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke. http://tfl.nu/as75
  Replies (8) Good night (1102) Bad night (4536)
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  (909): View more from California

  that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though

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  (909): that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though http://tfl.nu/jicr
  Replies (4) Good night (2239) Bad night (792)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?

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  (847): I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt? http://tfl.nu/o3a9
  Replies (6) Good night (1312) Bad night (2277)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment

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  (604): I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment http://tfl.nu/wq23
  Replies (10) Good night (2377) Bad night (1119)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday

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  (512): you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday http://tfl.nu/6yij
  Replies (2) Good night (2393) Bad night (673)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.

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  (724): Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me. http://tfl.nu/rflf
  Replies (10) Good night (3713) Bad night (1168)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"

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  (616): He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!" http://tfl.nu/zjl5
  Replies (1) Good night (768) Bad night (500)
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  (818): View more from California

  I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.

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  (818): I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots. http://tfl.nu/3p7b
  Replies (2) Good night (408) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!

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  (214): I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made! http://tfl.nu/rkm5
  Replies (6) Good night (768) Bad night (386)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time

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  (928): So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time http://tfl.nu/6mpm
  Replies (5) Good night (1442) Bad night (359)

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