the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The pigeons can smell the fear
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.