Texts From Last Night

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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.

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  (502): I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away. http://tfl.nu/vvbq
  Replies (4) Good night (2995) Bad night (659)
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  (308): View more from Nebraska

  i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.

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  (308): i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me. http://tfl.nu/ln0p
  Replies (18) Good night (4262) Bad night (692)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.

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  (813): Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive. http://tfl.nu/ya8a
  Replies (13) Good night (762) Bad night (3381)
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  (518): View more from New York

  After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"

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  (518): After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you" http://tfl.nu/k4ce
  Replies (42) Good night (1361) Bad night (6712)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.

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  (334): Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama. http://tfl.nu/24qa
  Replies (52) Good night (4681) Bad night (751)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.

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  (636): Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half. http://tfl.nu/fs6e
  Replies (83) Good night (22590) Bad night (1050)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.

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  (504): I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation. http://tfl.nu/5z11
  Replies (22) Good night (1488) Bad night (5397)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?

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  (732): He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it? http://tfl.nu/l4jt
  Replies (13) Good night (2432) Bad night (1299)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.

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  (519): My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again. http://tfl.nu/uf58
  Replies (15) Good night (782) Bad night (3799)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me

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  (330): I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me http://tfl.nu/zsgz
  Replies (2) Good night (1090) Bad night (1815)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect

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  (224): Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect http://tfl.nu/i76x
  Replies (3) Good night (1534) Bad night (837)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time

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  (717): just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time http://tfl.nu/oodw
  Replies (4) Good night (1855) Bad night (596)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....

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  (215): Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there..... http://tfl.nu/ckkf
  Replies (18) Good night (813) Bad night (2621)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?

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  (317): What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom? http://tfl.nu/z0d3
  Replies (6) Good night (258) Bad night (814)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do

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  (608): Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do http://tfl.nu/pe9f
  Replies (0) Good night (396) Bad night (192)

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