Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
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That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
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Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?