I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
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He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
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I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.