after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack