I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
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Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality