I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
