singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
