She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
