he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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