Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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