Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
