trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
