my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
