he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
