Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
