I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
