i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
