So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
