Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
