Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
