So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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