Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
