3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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