Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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