I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
kristin has been a bad kristin
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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