I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
