Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
