i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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