You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I deserve this hangover.
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