I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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