My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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