i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
