Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
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Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
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Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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