Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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