Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
