i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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