You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
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I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
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I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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