if only i could text you this smell
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
