Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
