Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
