Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
