just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
