You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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