DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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