I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
