I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
