Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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