thus making me awesome and them whores
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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