btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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