it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
