Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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