There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
