Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
