end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
