Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
