Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
