where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
