Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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