this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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