Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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