Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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