Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize