i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
