He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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