I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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