Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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