i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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